Chronicles of a Procrastinating Novelist Volume 9: Realities of Reaching the Fit-Fat Stage of Succes
1. Knowing intimately the frustration of possessing both visibly toned biceps and a floppy gut pooch.
2. Realizing that while muscle building exercises shrink clothing sizes and increase one’s metabolism, they also cement one’s “scale weight” in place for rage inducing durations.
3. Proclaiming, “As God is my witness, I’ll never eat a carrot again.”
4. Becoming a perpetual pizza party pooper to protect one’s hard-earned progress, a state that necessitates enduring disbelieving side eye from onlookers who see no evidence of progress.
5. Being too fat to shop in department stores, but too small for plus sized clothing not to look utterly Sackville-Baggins.
6. Scenting the horror of sweet potato farts.
7. Experiencing the discombobulation of needing to increase the amount of food one consumes as one’s metabolism and fitness levels rise.
8. Browsing old pictures of oneself as a self-conscious teen who constantly lamented her weight and feeling a sudden urge to invent time travel for the sole purpose of slapping said teen in her ignorant face.
9. Losing count of how many times one receives this patronizing compliment: “You’re still beautiful.”
10. Learning to appreciate being less fat.
And what, pray tell, does this have to do with an author blog you ask? There are too many damn skinny characters in books.
Thank you for reading,
B
