COAPN Volume 40: Diary #1, June 4th 1998 – January 11th 1999, Age 12
I changed my mind.
After several months of consideration (and binge reading of this rubbish, ugh), I decided that summarizing my various diaries would make for at best depressing and at worst boring reading for the three people who read this blog. Instead, I’ve decided to use hindsight and (hopefully?) adult wisdom to my advantage and annotate a single entry that is as close to representative of the whole volume as I can manage. It’s not a perfect method, but hopefully one less dull than the original proposal. I’ll attempt to preserve them exactly, therefore spelling and punctuation errors abound. The annotations appear at the bottom in a footnotes style. The annotated sentences are marked at the end in brackets with BA and a number, i.e [BA1]. No it is not a very clean reading experience. When I figure out how to make it more reader friendly, I'll do so. Without further ado:
Thursday, June 18th 1998
Spokane Wa.
Daddy please come home! Gina and I were playing with our dolls and trying to make their lips darker and dropped a marker on the carpet. The carpet is white so it stained. We have been beging for Mom to spank us[BA1] . Mom said no and to wait for dad to do it. So I want him to do it now! I will feel so much better. I am glad that I told dad and Mom. Actually I will tell Dad[BA2] . So I hope he comes home soon. First thing I will do is this.
Me: Hi Daddy what was work like?
Dad: What is it?
Me: Gina and I got marker on the carpet in our room and Mommy wants you to spank
Then I don’t know what he will say. I just hope he spanks me[BA6] . Father is what I usually write in here, but I am so angry and scared at the same I am just going to write dad or daddy[BA7] . Daddy please come home! End[BA8] .
Later.
Well Father came home and I told him what happened. You know what he said. “We’ll see[BA9] .” I hate being in suspense. I gets horrible having to wait and all. I will write later and write whether or not I had to have my behind tanned. I sure hope not. If I do; I will be sure to write. End.
Later,
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you Lord[BA10] ! Father did not spank me. He said that Gina and I are old enough to understand what we do wrong and not be spanked for it. Thank you Lord! I know I said I would feel better if Father spanked me but I think I was wrong. Well[BA11] a Lady mother cleans for is going to have us take care of her dog. Her dog is a toy Poddle[BA12] . Her name is Suzie. I can’t wait! End. Oh, our Land Lord[BA13] usually does not like dogs so that is what is really neat. I miss my old dog though. End.
Thank you for reading,
B
[BA1]It’s my fervent hope that the casual reader will wonder why a twelve-year-old would be genuinely desirous of a spanking over a dropped marker. However, when the family house is rented from one’s Pastor and one’s family’s finances are in tatters, a dropped marker is catastrophic. Or at least that was the impression my Mother gave. Red ink and white carpet are a match made in hell when it comes to stain removal, after all. Too bad we didn’t know the conundrum would eventually be solved by giving the carpet a light haircut and trimming out the stain. It would have saved us all a day spent stricken by gut churning anxiety.
[BA2]“…when he gets home.” Finish your thought, kiddo. Because, “If a reader can get lost they will.” – Beth Daniell, 2010
[BA3]Massive assumption there, B. He wasn’t a fan of that job as I now recall.
[BA4]Classic ego-centric middle schooler. “Who cares what your day was like, Pop. Spank me please so I can stop fretting about having dropped a f***ing sharpie!” Blegh.
[BA5]Too. Christ.
[BA6]I hazard I want the spanking less than the day long anxiety fest to end.
[BA7]“Father” is a feature of a pretentious writing style I adopted throughout this volume because it was a “Dear America” diary and I wanted to be worthy of inclusion in the actual book series. I was an ambitious twelve-year-old, even if my ambitions at that time outstripped by ability.
[BA8]You’ve stopped writing. Why were you announcing the fact to yourself?
[BA9]So much for putting an end to the anxiety.
[BA10]Deep in the Church days, so I credit God for all positive things that happened in life, including my overworked, overweight, exhausted father not being in the mood to spank his kids over an accident.
[BA11]Little B, abrupt transitions require paragraph breaks. You’ll get it eventually.
[BA12]Fascinating spelling of Poodle, kid.
[BA13]Because he was an absolute gargoyle who gloried in controlling his tenants through emotional terrorism. Yes, I’ll happily speak ill of the dead.
